How Does It Feel To Be Unwanted?

I got an inspiration to write this poem from a random forwarded message that talked about humanity....

They call me fat,                            

Because i don't look like them

But they never see

That i have a problem

They call me names

They make fun of me

They look down on me

Just because i am fat

They call me poor

Because i cant wear the clothes they wear

But they don't realize

That clothes are not my priority

They laugh at me

Call me an old fashioned girl

But is dressing up really important??

To be friends??

But alas, they look down on me

Just because I cant buy clothes

They call me a desperate girl

Because i make friends easily

But they never think that

I am just trying to socialize

Trying to make friends

Without letting them take an advantage

But they fail to see that

So they hate me

because they THINK that I'm desperate

They call me ugly

Because i don't have a white face

They never thought that

Even black face can be pretty

They shoo me away

As if i'm a victim of an infectious disease

But they never see that

Its just the difference of color in the skin

Is being a dark shade a crime?

They call me evil

Because I am all alone

They think I'm possessed

As I try to avoid them

But they never realize that 

Its because of them

I've become like this

But i really don't regret it

As i'm proud to be who i am 

Creeper Shadow

Walking down the road
Late in the night
In a total silence
With a light breeze
I saw a shadow
Creeping behind me
I turned around
To see who it was
I could  see no one
I was scared Started walking faster
I could hear someone walking
I turned around again
I could see none
I started running
Like the creeping shadow behind me
Was it some thug
Trying to rob me
Or perhaps a stalker
Who has been stalking me
I was scared
I was alone
I felt weak
I felt doomed
That shadow caught me
Only to find out
That the shadow was my own

I Love You

Life seems so beautiful when you are around

A new meaning that i have found

A feeling so beautiful that i get

When with you i watch the sun set

The late night talks, an eternal bliss

When in my dreams you come and kiss

You take me to a faraway land

Where we both sit together hand in hand

And watch the golden lake

A moment so wonderful, that we make

I love you, i certainly do

A thing which seems entirely new

Let this thing be forever

Like a fairy-tale that goes on forever....

I love you

I Miss You

Red and swollen up eye filled with tears

Since we parted, it’s been years

I still can’t believe that you've gone away

As i am still left in this feeling of dismay

I could've stopped you from leaving

I did not know that i would end up grieving

I thought you would be back soon

And i waited for you each afternoon

But you didn't come

Waiting for you had become tiresome

I went out in the cold to look for you

So i asked everyone but none had a clue

I showed them your picture

But to my question, no one could answer

I looked around all the places you've been

But there weren’t any traces of you that anyone had seen

Some months later in an unheard place

A young boy said he had seen your face

You were there to get me a souvenir

A tribal necklace, that was so rare

But who knew that the place would be struck by flood

That left tears and blood

You were gone and you would never come back

And to accept this fact was really hard

All that is left with me is your ashes

And the memories of the good time we spent

All Of A Sudden

All of a sudden,

I feel alone...

A loner to face the world 

Left with no friends...

Left with none to rely upon...

All of a sudden,

I want to cry...

Cry out loud

And tell the world that,

I can still get up and fight

All of a sudden,

I want to hide

Hide in darkness...

So that none can see me

And make fun of me...

All of a sudden, 

I want to run away...

To an unheard place

And never come back

To the place where i actually belong

All of a sudden,

I feel i am a coward..

Scared to meet people

Scared to lose old people

Scared of everything....

All of a sudden,

Things just happened...

Things beyond my control....

I lost a lot of people...

Whose close substitute can never be found….

Yesterday

Yesterday….

Yesterday life seemed so different

Yesterday I was someone else

Yesterday I felt I had nothing left

It was only yesterday

Love and life seemed to be the same

This was the thing that got me insane

Love and life were inseparable

Yes, it was only yesterday

Everything mattered a lot to me

People thought I was crazy

Everyone could hurt me easily

Yes, it all happened yesterday

My heart was broken constantly

By friends and foes and even by a passer-by

I trusted everyone without giving them a second thought

Yes, this happened yesterday

I was so delicate and fragile

Every emotion mattered so much to me

I wanted to leave everything and run away

It was only yesterday

The darkness

At times, things happen... They don't really have any explainable reason behind it... Yet, they just happen... People say, "Whatever happens, happens for good" or say "after a phase of darkness, comes the light".... Well, what if i say that after I went through a phase of darkness, I somehow started to fear light? What if i say that i want to live in the darkness because once i get out of it, I certainly would not like to come back to this dark gloomy phase... But i know circumstances around me are such that, sooner or later, I will have to return to the most beloved spot: the darkness.... I guess i am so used to living here that life seems the best here.... 

This phase has taught me so many things.. Smile when i feel like crying from inside.. Laugh when i am sad.. Love when all i have received is hate... learn to get up and fight every time i have fallen flat on my face... repeatedly trust people then I’ve been betrayed again and again... I guess all these factors have their contribution in making what i am today... I guess it is this phase of darkness that has given me a hope that life can be beautiful even if it revolves in the dark...

They say, darkness is the home to evil... but i will rather say, darkness is not a habitat to the evil, but of those who have been a victim of evil circumstances.... 

Most of the time i tend to forgive someone who has played with my emotion because i always feel that my forgiveness will help them come out of their phase of "darkness” and the light that will fall onto them will help them make a better person... But at times, an act done by someone that holds the maximum place is so deep that even his cry for forgiveness cannot melt my heart.. I think, after befriending hate and betrayal, I’ve become a stronger person... actually a person who is strong from outside but dying from inside... Dying to be loved... Dying to be with someone who treats me as a priority rather than an option...

People say, everything happens for good... I will say what good has happened to me so far??? is being betrayed, the trust and faith being broken a good omen??? Is it a sign that everything will be fine??? What if i say that this is not the first time that has happened to me...? 

Is it because I’ve never learnt the art of making correct choices?? What if i say i was influenced??? Does it justify?? What if i say i was deceived??? What if I say, I was forced to decide on something that i "probably" didn't want to do.... 

A Small Journey

After a long day enjoying with friends, i got down the bus and was going to catch the metro from the other side of the road.This had become my usual routine. I took the same road everyday, a crowded and busy road, with vehicles honking around. Tranquillity was remotely present there, and everyone passing by that road had their own life. None had even a minute of their time to take a look at a passerby. There was a small dispensary nearby and most of the times, one could see some patients.. At times, the sights were really disturbing and rest of the times, it was just virtually normal. I was so used to looking at the different kind of medical problem with people that the sight no longer made a drop of tear roll down my cheeks. The crossing was a host to some petty hawkers. Every kind of people were seen here.

To go to the other side of the road, i had to take a subway which was again used by petty traders and some beggers. Sometimes, one could spot someone lying down in one of the corner of the subway. All this was a pretty usual sight and by now, nothing fascinated me. Everyday i would come across the same vendors at both the sides of the road or in the subway. But today, as i walked down the stairs of the subway which was almost deserted, i saw an unseen face. A man, he must not have been too old and he wasnt that young either. He had no limbs and one of his arm was also missing. His body was filled with bruises, cuts almost at every remaining part of his body, and to worsen that, he had no money to get himself treated. His bloody red eyes were begging for some mercy, and his lips were softly calling for ALLAH.. He had some change lying around him, probably tossed by passerby. Looking at him, a thought came on to me, are people encouraging begging by giving this fellow some money or was he really in need of it? I couldn't really come to a conclusion because i knew so many stories about begging as a profession, but at the same time, looking at his plight, i thought that he might really be in need of some money. I wanted someone to help this man so that he could get some treatement done, after which he could get some respectable job rather than begging on the streets. It was really horrifying that somebody's misfortune is ignored to this extent. He was probably calling for ALLAH  because he wanted to be free from his present life, or probably he was repenting for something he had done. I wanted to tell him to go to the local dispensary which was run by the government so taht people like him could be treated for free. I wanted to help him in someway or the other. I was embarrased at my own incapability of helping him. I opened my purse and searched for my wallet. I found a 10 rupees note there and i tossed it at his bowl. I never like to give a penny to a begger but today, a little voice inside me told me that i should go ahead. I don't know if i did anything wrong as even if i did, i wouldn't really care as i somehow believe that i helped him. 

But as the day has come to a fall, i think to myself, was it worth it? Will that 10 rupees really help him? Could i have done something more to help him?